If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize