Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
