i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
