Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
