I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize