Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
