DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
