You made me cry and you don't even care
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
