just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
