i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
