shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
