apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
