I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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