I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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