I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
