so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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