I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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