end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
