I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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