if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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