Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
