she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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