chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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