I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
