Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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