If i come over, it means nothing
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
