Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
