Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ladies don't puke and tell
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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