I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize