the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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