Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
