btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
