I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
