Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He did a backflip because drugs
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