Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
