Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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