He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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