Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
