sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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