This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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