Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
