i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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