first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
