just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
