maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize