i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
