Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
