i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
