So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
