If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
