I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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