In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
