my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
