i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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