I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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