There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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