this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
