i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
