i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
