and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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