If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
