I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
