All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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