Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
