btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
