dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
