hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
