you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
