He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
