I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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