I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
