My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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