You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
