so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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