Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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