Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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