did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
