Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
