It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
