Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
