so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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