Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
